just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have aggressive nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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