Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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