i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
