her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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