he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
