that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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