need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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