my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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