I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
