I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
