She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the day after is always just damage control
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize