i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
