I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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