She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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