I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
