just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Enjoy the penises
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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