then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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