Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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