If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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