I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
