I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
