At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
