Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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