Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
