So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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