I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
