haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
