I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
