lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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