there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
