Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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