It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
