just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
