It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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