ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize