He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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