He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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