Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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