The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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