do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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