His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize