so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
