You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We're too hungover to prance.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
