I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
