I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
