I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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