My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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