I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
