erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
