Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
