it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
