So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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