she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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