My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
