She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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