lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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