I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
