so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
