this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize