rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
