operation have a gay friend backfired
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
