Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
