I accidentally had phone sex last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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