I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
