I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
