Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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