i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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