upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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