i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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